When I first started meditating, it seemed simple enough: relax the body, notice the breath, and bring your awareness back to the breath or the body when the mind wanders off.

Then, I thought, there would be some wonderful inner transformations that just sort of happened on their own.

What took me years to discover was that it was not so much about being with the breath, or the body, but how I was being with the breath or the body.

I discovered my attitude about my meditation practice is infinitely more important than learning any new techniques, ancient or modern.

And it was my attitude that was holding me back those first few years.

When we sit down to meditate, we may not be aware of our attitude—how we feel, think, and respond to our moment by moment experience.

We often go through our day responding to situations on automatic pilot.

This is not really responding. It is reacting from our conditioning. And when we meditate, these attitudes, these tendencies to react in certain ways, carry over.

The teacher Larry Rosenberg once described meditation as “sneaking behind enemy lines” to spy on our pre-conscious reactive patterns.

When we sense an awkward or irritating moment about to happen, our practice gives us the space to step back, breathe, and take a wider view. And to make subtle inner adjustments that let us respond with friendliness and curiosity.

Moments when we can step back from an experience and notice, “wow, I was really getting worked up,” may seem unremarkable. But they are not. They build on each other.

We have spoken in these weekly newsletters about some of the unhelpful attitudes we bring to our meditation cushions, such as expectation, ambition, striving, and the need to be in control.

Being impatient when unpleasant experiences arise is a big one.

So is boredom.

Any time you leave your cushion thinking your meditation did not go well, consider how you were relating to the wandering mind, the aching muscles, or the boredom.

The good news is that it is enough just to recognize what is happening. Nothing needs to be fixed or changed.

The contemporary Burmese teacher U Tejaniya offers clear guidance on this:

Meditating is watching and allowing with relaxed attention whatever pleasant or unpleasant experience is happening. Relax, observe, and allow everything that is occurring. Neither try to create nor encourage any experience. Meditation is not waiting for something to occur or waiting for something to go away. It is being patient with all things.

The wandering mind, the aching muscles, the boredom—these are not problems to be fixed. They are the present moment, showing up with broken wings.

If we meet these moments with care, friendliness, and curiosity, the wings mend themselves. This draws us to a deeper, caring connection with ourselves just as we are, and with others just as they are.